In case zombies attack

The University of Florida, my alma mater, has an emergency plan for hurricanes, flu pandemics and a zombie attack. Yes, in case zombies attack, UF is prepared.

The plan made news last week since it was a document on one of UF's web pages. It was crafted by a staff member one night when he couldn't sleep. He told The Gainesville Sun it was obviously a joke and was meant to reduce stress.

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

"It is clear that international media have begun paying increasing attention to the possibility of an outbreak of zombie behavior spectrum disorder. Likewise, major metropolitan police agencies are starting to pay attention to the possibility of zombie attacks and are addressing citizen notification concerns."

"Dispelling myths. For example, contrary to Lawrence (2007), garlic will not stop true zombies, only vampires; and zombies do come out during the day, though they are most active a night because they typically do not like sunlight."

"Equip all staff with long range (e.g. rifles) and short range (e.g. hand guns) firearms or other weaponry (e.g. chain saws, baseball bats, LPs11) for defense against the infected and to dispatch possibly infected co-workers."

There's also an infected co-worker dispatch form, where employees can list the symptoms of co-workers and provide the name of the person they killed and how they killed them.

UF has said the employee who wrote the guidelines will not be punished, and I'm glad. We all need to laugh a little more. Besides, if there was a zombie attack on campus, I'm sure UF quarterback Tim Tebow would save the day.